#63 Why you work so much?
Money is the wrong excuse
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Stress
I’m quite sure that your 2026 goals sound something like this: get fitter, spend more time with the people you love, feel less rushed, be more present.
All of that requires one scarce resource: time. And let’s be honest, the only place you can structurally take time from is work.
This is personal for me. I ended 2025 stressed, not burned out, just constantly tense and slightly absent. And I promised Laura things would change in 2026.
One week in, I had already failed.
Nassim Taleb once said the most addictive things in life are cocaine and a monthly salary. It’s a good line. But it isn’t that simple. Money isn’t the real reason I struggle to work less.
The reasons run deeper.
The 3 traps
1. The identity trap
At work, my value is visible.
There are metrics. Feedback. Titles. Projects. Clear signals that say: you’re doing well. Modern work is perfectly designed for this: performance reviews, KPIs, promotions, purpose statements.
People say we live in golden cages. That never felt quite right to me. What I feel stuck in sometimes is an identity cage.
At work, I know how to be good. Outside of work, it’s messier. Being a good partner, a present father, a thoughtful friend, none of that comes with dashboards or recognition.
So without noticing, I keep investing where I already feel competent.
Not because work matters more. But because it’s where I know how to win.
2. The dopamine trap
My brain loves work.
Not the deep, meaningful parts, the stimulating ones. Emails answered. Messages received. Things moving. Decisions made. Each one gives a tiny hit of progress.
I’ve caught myself checking email while playing with my kids. Glancing at Slack during dinner. Thinking about work while physically being somewhere else.
That’s not discipline failure. That’s dopamine.
Now compare that to:
One uninterrupted hour with my kids
A slow conversation with Laura over a glass of wine
Sitting alone with a half‑formed thought
Those moments matter infinitely more, and they are slow. Quiet. Unscored.
My nervous system, trained for speed and stimulation, struggles with that. So it keeps pulling me back to what’s fast and rewarding.
Not because it’s important.
Because it’s immediately gratifying.
3. The fear trap
This one is harder to admit: Work is avoidance with a salary.
When work fills every gap, I don’t have to fully face:
Relationship friction
Uncertainty
Emotional messiness
The discomfort of slowing down
Work gives me something productive to hide behind. And the salary makes it look responsible.
I tell myself I’m providing. Often, I’m just staying busy enough not to feel.
“Will the plane crash?”
I used to be a consultant. A stressed one.
I was working with Airbus and was relentlessly demanding with a client. Late messages. Urgent requests. Everything felt critical.
One evening, around 7 p.m., I asked him to urgently send a report. He had already left. I insisted.
He replied:
“Will a plane go down if I don’t send this report now?”
That question stayed with me. So here’s what I’m trying to do now.
I take my calendar and block time for what actually matters: family, thinking time, health. And I try, imperfectly, to protect that time aggressively.
For work to invade it, something genuinely serious should be at stake. Most of the time, it isn’t.
Most of the time, it just feels like it is.
Slow days, fast years
Since becoming a father, older people keep telling me the same thing:
days are slow, years are fast.
And yet, I still catch myself postponing life.
“I’ll work hard now so I can enjoy it later.”
The truth is uncomfortable: now is the best time. My energy is high. My parents are still around. My kids need me in a way they never will again.
Money compounds.
Time doesn’t.
I can make more money.
I can’t replay these years.
Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.
What makes all of this hard is that I’m in the middle of an identity transition.
What worked in my 20s, saying yes, moving fast, letting work define me, doesn’t work the same way anymore. In my 30s, it starts to cost more than it gives.
Changing that identity is uncomfortable. It feels risky. It probably is risky.
I might need to take some risks at work.
I might disappoint people.
I might move a bit slower professionally.
But those risks feel worth it.
I don’t want a life that only works when my laptop is open. I want to work hard. Care deeply. Build things that matter. Just not at the cost of everything else.
That’s my next promotion.
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Molt ben dit i expressat
I loved this one. I have a similar situation with demanding work and large family (4) and I recently realized a similar thing stated in the post - kids needing you, parents around, sexy professional - that is helping me in approaching things with a opportunity cost mindset and limited.
Thanks for sharing it!